The girls snugglin

The type of reasons which get caught in your throat when you have to tell a child something unimaginable. Or watch a child’s heart break and know your the cause. I was silent for a long time because I needed to watch how they dealt with new circumstances. I had to protect from afar what little I could and shelter them from adult issues and grown up pain.

I have watched both of them show remarkable strength and trust in the two people that they should be able to trust the most. Beyond every cry or unanswered question I beamed at the little women they are becoming. The vibrant imaginations they exude and the compassion and understanding of the most complex issue they will ever know…issues of the heart.

When they hug me now I smell their hair, feel their body warmth and hear their silent story. The story that they show me through open eyes. They let me know how hard moments are not by sobbing but by aging when an adult question crosses either of their lips.

My goal is to have you enjoy what is rightfully yours – your childhood.

Mom…It’s marshmellow love

Both of my girls are fairly affectionate, which I love. Macy is more so then Cali but overall they are both very hugging and loving. Every night there is the same ritual of kisses and hugs and I would not trade that for the world. It becomes a scary thought when that fades opr morphs into something else and as long as I can prolong that day I will. I feel that that love trumps all other types of love. The one where they hold you tight and know you will always hold them back a little more and kiss their temples and smell their hair and remember when they were born.

It is a very special day a day where the heart is bigger. Not because you should on Valentines day have a bigger heart or presents for them but because deep down inside when a daughter looks at her father I can tell you 100%, that look, where everything comes to the forefront and you hold back tears because you are amazed at their beauty and intelligence and personalities and you love them for being themselves.

You love on Valentine’s Day for being, the chance at being more and feeling more.

I was shoveling the driveway and Cali and Macy were sliding down the shoveled snow mountains onto the driveway, causing more snow that had already been shoveled once to beckon my name again. In most cases this would cause me to go Chernobyl at the repetition of a completed action. But it does not.

I do not get upset. I don’t even flinch. I just recollect a time that is so very far away

I remember a time when I was little in the winter. I was wearing a one piece snowsuit. I was crawling through a fort I had dug out in the snow as my dad was shoveling the driveway. All the snow that I had to get rid of to make this perfect fortress was getting heaved onto his shoveled driveway. As I was backing out to put the finishing touches on it I noticed the mess I had mase and then I saw my Dad….just smiling. When he ought to have told me to clean it up or thanked me for making his job harder or asked me to clean it, he just smiled. A smile that said, keep going. Do what it is that makes your heart full and I will be full with you. I will remember that moment like others that every person does of their childhood. This memory just has a bigger meaning to me I guess

As a parent of two, it was obvious from the start that my two children had very different tastes in music. Both my wife and I have always had music playing. It varies from Ben Harper and Eryka Badu to The Beastie Boys and Death Cab For Cutie. Everything in between has been at some point played to them or around them. Their responses have been totally different depending on what style or artist is coming through the speakers.

Music touches all people both old, young, big and small. From birth and every day going forward, expose your children to all different types of music. It is a resource to them as it is to us, to dream and to live vicariously through lyrics and beats. If nothing else

never force your musical opinion on to them. Let them make their own decisions.

They do it anyway and it is a great bonding tool. I speak from experience.

My eldest daughter Cali, who is six, share similar interests in some bands and we sing in the car as if no one is watching and she belts it out and knows all the words. She will ask me what a lyric means when she does not know and we discuss what she thinks the song is about. I have loved music since before I can remember and I believe that it is a vital part of living.

By watching both my girls shake it down to a track or belt it out makes my heart stop and I dont ever want that to change.

Love your kids and let music take them where you can not.

No Dad worth any salt should ever enjoy to see that look in a child’s eyes – unworthiness

. I have caused Cali to have that look on two occasions and have felt awful.

I want the child wonder and magic to stay in her beautiful face for as long as is possible. I love her with all my heart and because she is similar in some ways – I guess that is why we butt heads. I understand that it is normal. I just don’t like it.

I have failed in the fact that I am not your best friend in your eyes. That is all I have ever tried to be and for some reason I can not crack it.

I want to make it so that you can look at me and feel that I will be there for you. I would regardless but I do not think that you feel that way and that is my failure.

I do not always tell you how much of a miracle you are.

I do not tell you everyday how you are learning and how proud I am of you.

I do not make you know that i tell everyone I know about you and what you do and what you say and how you act and how much I gush when I think about how far you have come. I want you to be able to read this and know that way before you read this that I have proved what I feel every day.

As a parent it has to be one of the most rewarding moments when your child is proud to relieve themselves the way that their parents do. jen and I have been very fortunate in respect to the fact that Macy told us when she was ready. I think that is the key to success for parents. Do not push this stage upon them or force them. Like anyone that has ever read a book on parenting, there are chapters dedicated to the subject. I am not a subject matter expert on the human body or the human mind but I am an expert in listening to my children. Macy started wanting to be like her older sister and go to the bathroom like the rest of the family.

The key secret to having your child initiate bathroom requests by showing them. When a parent is going to the bathroom let your child watch the routine. Obviously there needs to be some restraint in what she/ he is able to watch (You can imagine) but that is how children learn by imitation. Jen and I have always had an honest and upfront relationship with both Macy and Cali and it has seemed to work rather well.

She has maintained a dry diaper most afternoons and is awarded praise everytime she is successful. She has learned that this action equals this response. Children love to please and love to be congratulated so for any parent that is going through these motions remember these key things:

1. Patience – Every child is different and has there own time.
2. Reward – When your child is successful – It should be a monumental occasion – ever heard of the happy dance?
3. Consistency – If you have a baby seat that fits on the toilet or choose the potty method – keep it the same – during this time change is not welcome.
4. Love – Love every minute and love that they are trying to please and learn new things.

We are very proud of her and day by day she is getting better – That is all that a parent could ask.

“I swore that I would never ever never lose my shit or control, when involving my girls”

I hate people that think they were born with the wisdom of parenting. I hate people who are close minded to the opinion of outsiders on how to best shape your child in to the person they were meant to become. I will be the first to admit that no one on this planet can tell me how to take care of my kids. I live with them, I have taught them, I have stayed by them through sickness and in health…….
BUT

If you think that you are doing the best job as a parent and that you know it all – Check yourself in to the clinic and wait for the children services to take away your children – cuz you have gone certifiable. Squirrels.

Yesterday was a reality check for me that I need to constantly keep in focus what my true obligation and responsibility is to my two girls. I need to be open to there every interest. I need to guide them when they ask for direction. I need to teach them when they lack the knowledge to better themselves and most importantly…

I need to remember that I am their DAD and that means more than anything. It means I will always love them, and hold them and kiss them every day, all the time and make them know that they have changed my life and that it would never be the same without them.

I am sorry Munx – you mean the world to me.